December 22, 2010
December 18, 2010
Already a month in, and missing that perfectly matched glass of wine with an amazing dinner. However, I do feel less fatigued and generally healthier.
I have made some stupid decisions in the past under the influence and now want my decisions, though they still could be stupid, to at least be made with a clear head.
December 15, 2010
So I admit it, I am addicted to scrabble. My lovely iPhone makes it so convenient to play constantly using the Words with Friends app. It is my new addiction. Don’t judge, I am entitled to at least one vice.
Anyway the following is a list of some fun and funny facts I have found regarding scrabble and other addicts:
- A resident in an old people’s home was thrown out when she admitted she didn’t play Scrabble.
- In 1996 a woman was charged with assault when she struck her husband over the head with a Scrabble board.
- According to Ikea, people with wooden floors are good at Scrabble.
- Each hour, at least 30,000 Scrabble games are started.
- The highest number of points that can be scored on the first go is 128 – with ‘muzjiks’ (Russian peasants).
- Janet Street-Porter once described Scrabble as more addictive than cocaine, champagne and group sex.
- A New Zealand player surprised opponents when, as they counted the tiles before the game, he picked out the two blanks and put them in his pocket. When asked what he was doing he replied, “Those ain’t got no letters on them sport. We never use’em”.
December 13, 2010
Ok, I can’t really fly. Except for in the steel confines of an airplane, but I keep trying.
Skydiving I thought would surely be like flying, but it was basically just falling down……for a couple thousand feet. Not the image of a soaring bird I had in my head. Same with Bungee jumping; you fall, you scream, and then are yanked back. No flight involved. Onto the flying trapeze, which isn’t flying at all, just glorified swinging. Then, I discovered hang gliding. Stuck between two broad wings, you run off a cliff and soar. The weight of the world has no hold on you and you are free.
I felt so light, even after landing and wished I could feel that way all of the time. Then the weight of the world took a hold of me again and I was stuck. Grounded by gravity, anger, fear and unforgiveness. Shortly after my hang gliding experience, I had the chance to go on a wonderful women’s retreat where we did a whole session on forgiveness. I discovered that I was holding on to a lot of bitterness and anger from a relationship that had ended three years earlier. A six-year relationship that ended in a flash. I was living with him one day and gone the next, never to have closure or speak to him again. A couple months went by and I entered into a new relationship. I thought I was fine, but you can’t just sweep such intense feelings under the carpet. During the weekend retreat, I worked through a bunch of baggage and let go of all the negative feelings I had in regards to that relationship. I forgave him and myself, and three years later we talked once more and I was able to obtain the closure I always needed. Afterwards, I felt free as a bird. I was flying with my feet still on the ground.
According to the Mayo Clinic, there are many benefits one can get from forgiving someone. Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for peace and can lead to:
1) Healthier relationships.
2) Greater spiritual and psychological well-being.
3) Less stress and hostility.
4) Lower blood pressure.
5) Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain.
6) Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse.
So even though we can never physical fly on our own. I have discovered we can all emotionally fly just a bit, by letting go of negative feelings we hold on to.
December 8, 2010
“When one door closes another opens. But often we look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.”
December 7, 2010
Whenever I hear the term “spinster”, I think of an old undesirable woman who was never married; though she may have a lot of cats. In this day and age the word has a very negative connotation to it.It was not always this way though. The word was originally used to identify women in medieval times who spun wool. This was one of the only positions available back then where a women could make a living independently of a man. It was a coveted position and allowed women freedom to make money on their own. It was a good thing to be a spinster!
December 6, 2010
Four walls is all with no pillow for your bed.
Stuck with only the thoughts in your head.
No longer a name, just a number.
You pray to God to bring sweet slumber.
Chaos all around, slamming metal sounds.
Consumed by fear, you dare not shed a tear.
Time does not exist in this abyss.
Eyes now wide open.
From total solitude comes strength previously unknown.
December 3, 2010
This year has been one of many changes for me, and though change can be stressful it usually ends up being a good thing. So to remind myself of this, I started thinking through my life and all the good that change has brought about.
The earliest life changing event I remember, was the birth of my first sibling; my brother John. I was no longer the only child, and even at such a young age I remember vividly losing the feeling of being the center of my parents universe. I had to compete to be heard and I did not like it. Some primal instinct kicked in and one day I pushed him over in his high chair. My parents thought that was an isolated accident, until my mom discovered fork marks stabbed in his tiny scalp. I was jealous! Even at 3 years old I knew my life was forever changed and I rebelled against it.
He survived, which I am thankful for most of the time (only joking). Three more siblings followed and I love them all dearly. It took a while to realize I was no longer the one, but the one of many; but what a great change that turned out to be.
November 23, 2010
Being someone who has always jumped from one relationship to the next, it is time I give myself a break. It is time for me to stand alone, to prove that I can still stand.
December 27th update:
First holiday season spent without a significant other in 10 years, weird…..but on the bright side it was one less gift to buy.
November 17, 2010
”Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”